EVEN THE OCEAN HAS LIMITS

If even the ocean has limits, why wouldn’t we? But, first, what are limits? Well, throughout our life as human beings we have to coexist with different people, but that’s not the problem. The problem is we are used to letting people take advantage of us, treat us how they want, and always having to meet their expectations. I realized that I was prioritizing the needs of others over my own. For instance, when I was 15 years old my first nephew was born, and for certain life situations, I had to take care of him for a time. At the beginning it was okay, but, there was a moment when I didn’t want to do it anymore because I felt it was being too much responsibility, and also I was studying, so, it was tiring, but I couldn’t say “no.” I even felt that my opinion and feelings had no importance. Why should I feel like that with myself for pleasing others? If I don't give importance to what I feel, to my comfort, who does? So, in this essay, I’m going to explain in more detail what limits are and why they are important; then, I will share some benefits; and finally, I’ll share some.

Even though the ocean is huge, it has a limit. If the sea took over everything, we could not live, as when the sea exceeds the limits and reaches the houses (in a tsunami) causing damage. Sadly, we cannot control the sea, but instead, we can control ourselves and respect the limits of others and ours. As I mentioned before, for a long time I took care of my nephew but when I didn’t want to, I couldn’t say it because they really needed my help and I felt I had certain obligation to do it because "I had time," (,) I didn’t even go out with friends because I HAD TO take care of him, so I really felt confused, and I felt I was being selfish for thinking only of my “comfort” (and I was, but with myself for thinking of others first), so, unfortunately I injured my knee and I couldn't even walk, I spent a month and a half in bed, only then, I didn’t have to keep taking care of him. Why did I have to let something happen to be able to say “no”? Why did I have to have a reason? Wasn’t it enough just not wanting to?

Setting limits are not just necessary to have better relationships with others, but with ourselves as well. Even I would say this is the most important part of setting limits, because it’s all about your well-being and comfort, without being selfish, clearly. It can be considered an act of love, from the person towards himself and also towards others. Our limits include the physical, mental and emotional place where we feel safe, our private refuge. It also has some benefits, such as great self-knowledge and self-respect; increased self-esteem, healthier, more balanced relationships; promoting personal well-being; good self-confidence and responsibility. On the other hand, if we do not set limits, in our constant search to please others, we can affect our emotional and mental health, and we can experience personal dissatisfaction, misunderstanding, disappointment and constant feeling of abuse, leading to anxiety, depression and stress. That's exactly how I felt, I felt the day wasn’t enough, that I had many things to do, and I wasn’t going to be able to do them all. I felt stressed, exhausted, confused, angry at myself for not being able to say “no” and feeling bad just thinking about stop "helping" my nephew. I felt really mentally, physically and emotionally affected.

I know, sometimes setting limits can seem a bit difficult to do, but, it’s pretty necessary. I say this from my experience, and the most difficult part is to let our limits be known, because we can even feel that we have to apologize or justify ourselves for setting limits, but the truth is that we don’t. So, first, how can you know when you have to set limits? Well, there are many situations, but some of them are: you say "yes" even when you don't want to; you accept offensive comments or criticism; you let others make decisions for you; you don't give your opinion freely; you take on responsibilities that are not yours; you break promises you make to yourself, and so on.

So, if you identify with any of these situations, it means you need to set limits, but you already have the first step, which is to identify the situation you need to change because it’s not good for you, then you need to communicate it in a good way and be constant, because not all people will understand it at first. Now I have two other nephews, and sometimes I have also taken care of them, but I remember one day I had a lot of university homework, so I said I couldn’t take care of them, but, despite that I did it, because my mom said “yes,” because they really needed it. But, the thing is, sometimes even when you have already set limits, people don’t respect them, so you need to be patient and set them again, as often as necessary.