VIRGINITY IS A MYTH

I inhabit a body, which, because it is as it is, has always been forbidden to truly be. Why am I saying this? Well, I know there has been a struggle that now allows me to have rights. I also know, above all, and I have been able to realize, that as a woman I still live with certain limitations, certain imposed beliefs that condition my actions. The myth of virginity is one of them, because since I was a child, I learned that virginity gives value to women. I want to help someone get rid of this thought (only if they want to), or give them the opportunity to question the role that virginity has in their life, and if they really share what they have been taught. So, in this blog entry I’m going to share what I have learned about virginity, what it is; then, I will share with you my opinion about it and why I think virginity doesn’t exist; and finally, I will share a bit of my experience.

Since we are children, we are taught that being a virgin means not having had sex. In women’s case, we are taught that we have to be a virgin until we get married. Virginity even was a requirement; (,) if women were not virgin, they were not worthy of someone marrying them. Virginity has been an important topic in women’s lives, because, we even have a type of pressure related with this, because we have been judged, and our sexuality has been limited because of these imposed ideals. In the case of men this doesn’t happen. Women are taught that virginity means purity, decency, honor, dignity.

Now, for me, it’s important to talk about what having sex means, because that tells us if we are virgins or not. But first, I want to say that, for a long time there has been the beliefs that virginity can be proved, because women have a membrane called "hymen" which tends to "break" when we have sex. That is what has always been believed. I have investigated, and the truth is that it has been proven that this membrane can rupture for multiple reasons, as it may not rupture when having sex. Therefore, it can no longer be used as proof that we are a virgin or not.

Going back to my previous argument, it’s necessary to keep in mind, that there are many forms of having sex. Having sex is not only about penetration (in the case of heterosexual couples), oral sex, anal sex or mutual masturbation are forms of having sex as well. So, in these cases we cannot prove if people are or not virgin. The existence of virginity will depend on each person and their concept of sex. For me, it doesn’t exist; it’s only a term, a term that has caused damage to women’s lives and that has been used to limit women to experience their sexuality in an autonomous way.

I cannot say when I first heard about virginity, but the thing is that for some years I had the idea that my value was in the fact of if I was or not virgin, because, if I wasn’t, nobody was going to love me truly. I had to be virgin until the day of my marriage. I have never received a class about sexual education, but I remember that when I was in last year of elementary school, I

got the idea that when we have sex our body changes. This was before I was even interested in having a boyfriend, and it scared me. I grew up, and I started to free myself from those thoughts, until a couple of years ago, I heard about the menstrual cup and I got interested in it and I had to face the idea of virginity again, because there is the belief that only women that have had sex can use it. The thing here is that the myth of virginity limits women even the use something useful for their menstruation. Menstrual cups are something that also has benefits not only for women but for the environment as well.

With all this, I’m not trying to motive someone to have sex because I think virginity doesn’t exist, and doesn’t give or subtracts value from us women. I just want people to question it, and that women can experience their sexuality (responsibly) without regrets caused by the myth of virginity. Even The World Health Organization classifies virginity as a social construct for the control of women and girls and as a harmful form of gender discrimination.